On Turning 31

Yes. I've done it. I've had another birthday, and I've turned 31. I'm even still being honest about my age. This might change in the next decade though.

I'm really afraid of heights. I get vertigo if I'm somewhere high and I look down. Heights and I aren't the best of friends. So, for my birthday, I decided I should tackle something I'm afraid of, because, why not?

I heard about "The Adventure Park" on the news a few months ago when it opened, and thought it looked pretty cool. Horrifying, but cool. Basically, it's obstacles and zip lines up in trees, at varying heights, with varying difficulties. Most of the obstacles move up there in the trees, so you really have to use your strength and concentration to keep yourself from falling. It's rated like a ski/snowboard hill. Purple, yellow, green, blue, black diamond, double black diamond. The diamonds are obviously the hardest. We didn't touch those. Some of us started on the yellow, and thought it was pretty good, the green was a little tougher, but still fun. The blue... the blue was a bad choice, for us in particular. The first two obstacles were fun, but the rest of the course just felt like torture. It was definitely tough, and forced us to push ourselves. I'm pretty sure two of my pals hate me by now, but, I think overall, it was an interesting time.

I think about the last year, and I realize that of course, this last year has been devoted to my boy. I've just been his mom. I haven't been Kate, I haven't been J's wife, just G's mom. Which, don't get me wrong, I'm pleased to be G's mom, but, I miss my old self, and I'm completely aware that I'll never fully get my old self back again, but I think I need to make a date with the old girl every now and then so I don't totally lose my shit.

Now that the little boy is getting older, and since he eats table food, he relies on me a little less as far as feeding, which gives me a little freedom. I don't have to make sure we're back together every two hours so he can go to town, I can have a cocktail every now and then, I don't have to worry if he's got enough milk or baby food on hand. The kid will find something to nosh on.

This isn't to say he needs me less. He still cries when I leave for work, and clings on tight when I get home, he still needs reassurance in the middle of the night and clings on when I take him out of his bed. He likes for me to sit down next to him while he plays with his toys, even if he ignores me. I think... he just likes having me around, it's a novel thought. Of course, the older he gets, the less he'll want me around, so... I might as well enjoy it while it lasts.

In closing, it's been a good year. Full of ups and downs, stress, no sleep, worrying, tantrums, screaming, learning, and new experiences. I'm looking forward to another year of much of the same, maybe with a little less stress, tantrums, and screaming.

On Having a One Year Old

A few weeks late, but yes, I now have a one year old. It's hard to believe how fast the last year has gone by. When I was knocked up, those nine months took FOREVER! Even the first weeks and months with G-money seemed to feel like an eternity. Possibly because I was sleep deprived and had no idea what the hell I was doing... nothing's changed on that front.

Seeing him change from a helpless infant into a trixy toddler has been pretty amusing, I'll admit. His personality is starting to shine through a bit more, and I realize, he just doesn't give a shit about much of anything. Granted, he'll have his little toddler frustrations when he doesn't get his way or something pisses him off, but for the most part, this kid is chill. Someone stole my toy? No big deal, I'll just go play with something else. Some curly headed bitch knocks me down at the kid gym, whatever, I wanted to sit down anyway. He even amuses himself with the smallest things. For example, the other day I was in the kitchen, and he was somewhere else, all was quiet, I thought oh shit, he's probably flushing the dog down the toilet, however, I heard his trademark giggle around the corner in the living room. I walked over to see what was so funny, and there he was, standing up on one of the chairs making it bounce back and forth.

It's things like this that make me miss being young. Something as simple as bouncing in a chair amuses this kid. I simply like to see people get slapped in the face.

Of course I threw a first birthday bash for him. Yes, I know he won't remember, he won't care, he could give a shit less, but I thought, maybe someday when he's older, he can look at the pictures and be like look at all these people who wasted a perfectly good afternoon to come a one year old's birthday party. G had his first take of homemade cake and homemade ice cream. He hated both. He had maybe two bites of cake and spit out the ice cream (I'm guessing on account of it being so cold.) He had no problem taking a few spoonfuls a few days later though. He got a lot of nice swag from his family and his parent's friends, he was only mildly cranky, but was better after a nap. Overall, great success.

Since I've been a mother for a year now, one might think I've warmed up to other children. You're dead wrong. I still loathe most every other child. I don't want to hang out with them, I don't want to schedule play dates with them and my son, I don't want to hang out with them at child friendly places. I like my kid, that's all. I am however, looking forward to watching this boy grow up, so there.