On Realization

Now that there's about three months to go to carry this little meatloaf around, I'm really starting to realize that, holy shit, I'm going to be someone's parent! Of course, you reader, might be thinking... umm, no kidding dumbass, you've known you were knocked up for the last seven months.

When you first find out you've got a BOB, it doesn't seem real, because you look the same, even though you might feel like ass. Then your gut gets bigger, you get an ultrasound, you hear a heartbeat, then you're like, hot shit, there's a person in there! But maybe, you're still choosing to ignore the fact that there's an impending baby.

Finally at seven months, I think I'm finally starting to accept that there's a tiny little poltergeist in my gut. It might be because he's an active little bugger and likes to party. It might be that his baby shower is just about a month away. It might be that I've got a cradle sitting in my basement waiting to be put together for him to sleep in and his nursery furniture on the way. I won't lie to you guys, I'm pretty terrified.

Having a kid wasn't in the cards for a lot of years. I generally dislike other people's children because most of them are assholes. Yes, I said it, children can be assholes. However, I've admittedly come across a few kids that I actually didn't mind because they were like tiny little midget adults with proper manners and everything. I know everyone says, it'll be different when it's your kid, and maybe that's true. I know I'll love the kid no matter what because I shat him out, but there still may be times when I think he's an asshole, and I'm sure he'll think I'm an asshole too, it's a given.

To be honest with you guys, right now I'm trying not to dwell on the fact that in three short months I'm going to be responsible for a tiny little person because if I dwell on it, I might as well just drive myself to the loony bin right now. Instead, I'm trying to concentrate on the fact that a tiny little baby will grow into a hopefully pretty bad ass toddler who hangs out in the woods with his father and I.