On Post Holidays and a New Year, a Review

I think we can all agree that 2016 has mostly been an epic pile of shit. However, the fact that so much has happened in the world and in our personal lives really glosses over the fact that this stuff happens every day, every year, it's just that this year, it all seems to be magnified.

How does one get by, you wonder? How do you get through the day to day with all the horrible shit going on in the world? Try to block it out, try to be grateful for one small, good thing that might happen during the course of your day. Me? I'm glad to wake up every day. To me, that's a huge win. I'm grateful for a healthy little G-Money, J, for a job, food, clothes, a place to live, fur and scale babies, my family. Sure, it might be hard sometimes, it might be stressful, but it could always be worse, and maybe one day it will be, but for today, it's alright.

Shit... that was heavy, I apologize for that. Now that that gloomy shit is out of the way, let's talk about the holidays, let's talk about the upcoming year. As I mentioned in my previous post, it was all about Christmas following Thanksgiving. Well, let me tell you, G-Money got the Croup (for a second time) right before Thanksgiving. I started in with a cold from his Croup the day before Thanksgiving. He and I were the lepers that showed up to Thanksgiving dinner with my store bought rolls. Yes, the big plan I had to make delicious rolls from scratch crashed and burned because I failed to read the entire recipe where it stated that it would take 4 HOURS to bake the rolls! When I started trying to make them at noon and dinner was at 2:00, that simply would not do. So, it was off to the grocery store for some delicious Kroger rolls, and you know what, they weren't half bad.

That weekend, despite being almost deathly ill, I chose to put up the Christmas decorations, because it's tradition, and the boy was itching to put them up. I continued on being sick for about two weeks with a probable sinus infection that seemed to miraculously clear up on its own. I was healthy for about a week and a half started up with a new kind of sickness which traveled directly to my chest. This time I went to the doctor to make sure I didn't have the bronchitis or pneumonia. There was some definite action in my lower lungs where air wasn't passing through so well, but a x-ray confirmed that I didn't have pneumonia (win), but there was some sort of lung infection. A couple of packs of drugs later, I'm not feeling deathly ill, but have a rattling cough. G of course also contracted this and was terribly sick and his nagging cough is hanging on. So, between the two of us, we've been sick for a solid month. Score. November-December has been a shit time.

We still got out and did Christmasy shit. We went to the town tree lighting, we went to Greenfield Village and looked at lights, we went to the Ford Estate and looked at lights, I took him down Lakeshore Drive to look at lights, despite him sleeping the entire time and finding that the majority of the rich people were a bit stingy with their lights this year. We had our Solstice Party, we hosted Christmas Day dinner. We fulfilled all the obligations of the season. G was thrilled with Christmas this year however. He received so many presents, he just couldn't contain himself. He definitely got the couple of items he's really been wanting, and he was pretty stoked. He's been very much into the proton pack Uncle M got him, and his almost train table that he's been asking for for over a year. I'm glad "Santa" was able to make with the gifts that the boy wanted. He still wanted nothing to do with the fat man, which, honestly, I'm thankful for. It saves me my time and sanity from standing in long lines with other brat children to see a stranger dressed up in a red suit.

Now we look ahead to 2017. Another year has passed. Another party to be had. It's looking to be a calm, sophisticated affair with the boy in tow. Everyone always hope that a new year will be better, I just hope it will be even slightly less shitty. Maybe this year will bring about a vacation further away than a Pure Michigan vacation, maybe the boy will tolerate a longer car ride, he's already tired of going to Frankenmuth for the water park, and we've only done that twice. The boy is a 35 year old trapped in a 3 year old's body, and I'm alright with that.

So, 2016 has been somewhat alright, we've had some good times, we've had some bad times. The world as a whole has had some really bad times, but such is life. Cheers to you all, and here's to hoping that your 2017 is only mildly shitty.

On Books and Holidays 2016

Alright. It's been two and a half months since my last post. Noteworthy? Not really. I don't want to bore you with fluffy drivel just because I should post something.

Here's what's up:

Remember how I said I was starting the Dark Tower series because the movie is coming out this winter? Yeah. I started it. I read the first book and had no idea what the hell was going on. I started the second book and really forced my way through. Night after night, I forced myself to read it until it go to the point where I was like, screw this dude, I've got a ton of other books I'd rather be reading right now.  If you know anything about me, you'll understand that this makes the void inside of me even bigger because, this is my #1 favorite author we're talking about here, and I'm quitting one of his books? What in the ever-loving hell is going on? Typically, I burn through books in a matter of weeks. I read every night and get through large sections of a book each night. The Drawing of the Three came with me on a early Fall camping trip, a mid-fall weekend getaway, and collected a lot of dust on my nightstand in between. I just, couldn't make myself care. This doesn't mean I'm done with these books for good. I feel obligated to read them all. They are sitting on my shelf. They're written by my fav. There is not a book sitting on my shelf that I haven't poured over (except those in my to-read queue of course.) For now, I had to save my spot and put that book back on the shelf, unfinished, abandoned, for now. It's so sad, the used, water damaged copy of the book sitting there amongst its peers, waiting to be finished. Some day.

In the meantime, I picked up a copy of Hidden Bodies by Caroline Kepnes. I've gotten through a little over a quarter of the book in about a week, and so far, it's a total scumbag read. Which of course, makes it quite entertaining to read. The main draw is that the main character, Joe (scumbag master) works in bookshops and loves all things books, much like myself, so, he's relatable on that note, aside from being a scumbag though, I can't say I really agree with his other actions in the book. Regardless, I'm enjoying the read, and looking forward to moving on to the rest of my stack o' books. Maybe I'm just not ready to commit to the Dark Tower just yet.

It other news, holy shit... the holidays are here again! Who else is totally unprepared? I spent the entire month of October mulling over Halloween and enjoying all things gore and spooktacular. The big show came and I thoroughly enjoyed escorting my son around the neighborhood dressed as a T-Rex. I brought joy to so many other parents hauling their kids around and the people passing out candy had some good laughs at my expense, what's better than making people giggle, right?

November 1st arrived, and all of sudden, it's Christmas. Seriously dude? I feel like when I was younger, at least the radio stations waiting until December 1st before they starting jamming out the Christmas tunes. Poor Thanksgiving gets looked over every year. Speaking of Thanksgiving, I've been tasked with supplying the rolls for the big dinner. Rolls. I can do rolls. These bitches are going to be the best damn rolls anyone has ever eaten. I'm making these mothers from scratch. Disclaimer... they will probably taste like shit and be hard as stones, and I'll ruin Thanksgiving dinner, maybe I should have a contingency plan.

The weekend after Thanksgiving will officially be, get those Christmas decorations up right now, weekend. G loves Christmas. He can  do without Santa because he's an assbag. He wants to see that Christmas Tree shine, he wants those lights, and he wants to see presents under his tree, but Santa is not allowed to enter his house and skulk around in the dark, nor is he allowed to just toss the presents down the chimney. I've been directed to greet Santa at the front door in the middle of the night and take the presents from him while he keeps his fat ass on the front porch and I shall deposit them under the tree.

This time of year also brings about holiday parties. So many holiday parties and holiday shit to do. I look forward to said parties because it gives me an opportunity to not only have a little drinkypoo, but also lurk around said parties and people watch. Oh how those parties get my cogs cogging. There's places to go to see Christmas lights, there's Christmas tree lighting ceremonies to go to, all this shit I would never do pre-G, but am glad to experience because secretly, I do love to stare at Christmas lights... I'm not that dead inside.

Yes. It's stressful. Shopping and shit, but for the last few years, I've done the majority of shopping through trusty ol' Amazon, thank you. The little things I wander through stores for. For the last few years, I've been poisoning my family with my vegetarian Christmas dinners that have turned out spectacularly shitty. This year will be no exception. Christmas cookies will be made, and might possibly be ugly as shit again, but maybe not. The stress is worth it to watch the glow in G-Money's eyes on Christmas morning when he sees a bunch of presents under the tree for him. Yes. I'm a sap for the boy, okay.

Now that I've gotten through this... it does seem like some fluffy drivel, doesn't it? Shit.

On Christmas 2015

Christmas with a child is a lot different than any old, regular Christmas. It's different in that, you can't get plowed on egg nog Christmas night and party with your pants off. You have to be somewhat respectable, simply because there may be photos and/or videos taken, and no one wants to see your pasty ass on camera. I'll get this disclaimer out of the way right now, I'll admit it, I was pretty excited about Christmas this year because G actually seemed to almost give a shit. We talked about Santa, even though, before G existed, J and I always said, if we have have kids, we're not going to fill their head with lies about Santa, the Easter Bunny, etc. Yeah, that lasted real long.

G seemed to be interested in the idea of Santa, not so much Santa himself. In his eyes, Santa is some scumbag in a red suit plying kids with candy so they'll sit on his lap. While the boy has become increasingly interested in candy, he cannot be duped to talk to strangers just because he's got a white beard and a candy cane, and promises to bring presents. There were Santa encounters, of course. You couldn't go anywhere in the month of December without seeing the fat man. Luckily for me, G had no interest in standing in line to come any where near the old coot. For this I am grateful. Instead, during one even in particular where there was a line out the door to see the old "S" word, G told me he didn't want to see him, talk to him, or sit on his lap. We lurked just outside of where Santa was sitting and peered in a giant picture window and watched as kid after kid climbed up on his lap. I told him, even though he wasn't face to face with the fat man, he could still tell him what he wanted for Christmas and he would hear anyway because he's magic. This sweet boy of mine said Santa, I don't want anything for Christmas. Shit, I sure wish "Santa" would have known that before he went crazy trying to find the perfect items for the boy.

Admittedly, I was probably more excited for Christmas morning that anyone. I had big plans for the boy to leave out carrots for "Santa's Reindeer", we'd leave out some of the ugly ass cookies we made right before the holiday, and a sip of milk. I'd make sure to leave evidence of Santa's presence, with the carrots being gone, a bite out of a cookie, you know, the same old song and dance. However, the boy just wanted to party his ass off on Christmas Eve, we didn't get home until way past his bedtime and he needed/wanted to go to bed as soon as we walked in. Okay, no problem. I still crept up and down the stairs as he slept, placing all his presents under the tree, trying to contain my excitement for the next morning when he would open all the carefully thought out gifts that Santa got him.

And, you know what? When it came down to it, he could have really cared less about the whole affair. For weeks we talked about Santa coming and leaving presents under his tree because he was such a good boy, and he genuinely seemed stoked about it. He did "Face Time" with one of his lady birds Christmas morning who wanted to see him open the gifts she got him. He point blank told her, "I don't want to open your presents." Great, I've got a 2 year old Grinch on my hands. He came around eventually, of course, but this kid needed some serious convincing. Some of the things I thought he would go totally ape-shit over, he just gave a passing glance and moved on to the next. Way to leave Santa crestfallen, boy. However, there are a few items that seem to be his new pride and joy, the cheap drum set for kids, which, I've quickly discovered that I'll need to start socking some cash away for real drums, because this boy has a passion, and his Paw Patrol truck and cars. To be fair, the boy really packed it in this Christmas, with so many different things. I'm sure he's overwhelmed, and like his mother, can only concentrate on a thing or two at a time.  

Overall, it was a successful holiday. Despite me making him weep because I made him come home with me Christmas Eve instead of spending the night with grandma and papa, and then making him weep again on leftovers day, because he had to come home with me again. Maybe I smell funny? His social anxiety was also slightly present Christmas Eve as he preferred to retreat to the basement away from the rip-roaring party crowd, but there were no meltdowns from being overwhelmed, score!

Sure, I can reminisce about Christmas' past where the hooch was a staple and crayfish were talking at the dinner table, but honestly, I enjoy having G around to spend the holidays with, as cliche as it is, the boy might have brought back the magic feeling of Christmas.

On Living In Chaos

Most of you who follow me on Facebook know all about the epic shit storm that is my home. The mess that started all the stress about a year and a half ago. See, J and I were shopping for a new home, while the "gettin' was good" so we could raise G in a nice little area with a great school district. We looked for months and months, even considered shit holes that should be condemned as a nice little fixer-upper project. Well, after looking at a plethora of said shit holes, we decided that undertaking such a huge project with a boy under a year old would be moronic on our part.

Eventually, we found our little abode. It had everything we were looking for. Great area, close to the freeway for work, great school district, big lot. It was freshly remodeled and looked great. Granted, there were some issues. The attic was covered in mold due to poor ventilation, which was taken care of prior to closing, there had been some foundation work done in the family room and basement which we received receipts and warranties for, okay, a little off-putting, but the work was guaranteed right? There had been evidence of a little bit of water in the basement, but definitely not a swimming pool's worth of water, we weren't overly concerned.

The problems didn't become apparent until the first Spring that we lived there. We began to notice a horizontal crack in the drywall in the family room, right at the ground line, strange, right? This is a wall that had formally been worked on. I contacted the contractor who worked on it and he deduced in time that there was some movement happening and that fix would be under warranty. Great! We wouldn't have to worry about a huge fix we couldn't afford.

To make a extremely long and boring story short, it took a year and half of nagging and legal involvement to get said contractor back over to complete the warranty work. These "C" channels and tie-backs are the fix and we currently get to look at these until we get this wall re-built. Merry Christmas. However, this wall shouldn't be doing much moving in the foreseeable future. This fix, if we were responsible would have cost in the ball park of $21,000. Nice, right?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   Moving on to the basement. We knew we had to find the source of the little stream of water flowing into the basement every time it rained even remotely hard. J knocked out all the drywall and found it covered in mold. Hooray! It took only a moment to realize why we had water coming into the house. "Step cracks" are typically not a huge deal, they are in fact, pretty common, but do you know what's not common? When your shit is vertically cracking and you can see the road from your basement! Uncovering this little gem created a sea of "Holy shit!" responses. 

But did we try to contact our insurance company to see if they could help? Yes, of course. Guess what, they won't help. They can not do anything for foundation issues. Thanks Bro, I'm glad you're getting our hard earned money every year to not protect our house from this shit. Well, what about the legal route? Did you try to sue the seller? Absolutely, but sadly, being an investor, their ass is covered, so we got to bend over and look at this...

The good news is... if you can see it through this hot mess is, my boss knows people, who know people. So, after having several contractors and builders over, we settled on someone we were very happy with to tear this shit down and rebuild a brand new wall. So, after a week of hiring said contractor, we do have a beautiful new wall that should be as strong as a bomb shelter.

We got to have the front part of the house ripped off, a giant hole dug to rip out the old wall, our porch and walkway needed to be ripped out because water was just flowing underneath the porch. The sump pump was not connected under ground which allowed water to just sit there and freeze and melt year after year. Luckily now, we have a working sump pipe, we'll have a new porch which is properly waterproofed, and in the Spring, we'll take advantage of having the walkway ripped out to install a lovely brick paver walkway. Silver Lining?                        

Finally, we long suspected our garage was sinking as well. We had it tuck pointed when we moved in. A year later, there were giant step cracks about an inch wide right where the tuck pointing was completed, just at this front corner. However, after having the brick stripped, our contractor found that there were no wall ties (which are required) so the weight of the brick was pulling on the wall and pushing down on itself creating the broken bricks. Good news? Maybe... or maybe this shit really is sinking, though upon putting a level on the foundation, it's as level as can be. Initially we were planning on having the garage underpinned, which upon conversations with an engineer and our contractor, it was ultimately decided underpinning would be a waste of money that we don't have.

The place is coming along. We'll have most of the brick back on the house today, possibly a new porch poured. The mess will work itself out. It supposed to rain for the entirety of Christmas week, but at least I won't have to worry about making G wait to open presents while I get down in the basement and mop up rain water. 

After this wonderful experience, we're hoping this place will be worth it in the end. One of our neighbors pretty pointedly said, "Well, this just shows your commitment to staying in the neighborhood for the next 50 years!" Yeah, pretty much, because who the hell wants to deal with this again?  

On Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving isn't really a big deal to vegetarians. I mean, the last thing we want to see is a big ol' bird carcass sitting on the table while everyone picks the poor thing apart. However, to each their own. I used to be a carnivore, I can't be all uppity about people eating some bird on bird day.

Luckily, the family makes some killer "fixin's." I get to dive in to two different kinds of sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, Waldorf salad, rolls (who doesn't love carbs?), deviled eggs, stuffing, olives, and whatever else. Never mind the freshly baked home made pies. Damn!

For me, Thanksgiving is about hanging out with the family. Having a cocktail or two. Listening to the boy cackle with delight as he gets to eat dinner with a ton of people. This is his thing lately, eating around the table with a lot of people, he can't get enough of it. Luckily, I've got a good set of in-laws and there isn't any bickering on the holidays. No one gets pissed off and flips the table over. Everyone just grazes, drinks, chortles, passes out sitting up, you know, whatever. I'm also pretty lucky that the parents get along, not like Clark and Ellen Griswold's parents, so I get to have my homies at the dinner table as well. Score.

Thanksgiving also allows me the time to accept that Christmas is next month. Once "Black Friday" rolls around, I'm all like, "Yeah, bring on the Christmas carols, get Santa's fat ass over for some cookies." I'm actually quite a bit of ahead regarding Christmas this year. The gifts are bought, the Christmas cards have arrived, though I regret not making them snarky, I apologize in advance to those of you who will be in receipt of our cards. The decorations will go up this weekend, despite my house being a torn apart shit hole thanks to foundation work.

On a completely unrelated note, I must mention, because it needs to be mentioned because I find it hilarious, J was shaving his beard off this morning, and G was sitting on the toilet watching him. G began whispering under his breath, "Daddy's not shaving his butt. Daddy's not shaving his back. Daddy's not shaving his boobies. Daddy's shaving his face." I don't know why it's hilarious, but maybe he feels that Dad needs to shave these items and is trying to drop a hint." I tell ya, this kid, he really comes up with it.

So, what are you guys doing on this Thanksgiving weekend? Eating a frozen dinner alone? Working? Hanging out with your family? Hanging out with people you loathe? Whatever you're doing, do it well, Turkeys!

On Christmas and a 17 Month Old

Ah, the Christmas Season is upon us again, and has been since Halloween. Those old Christmas carols have been on repeat since November 1st. I mean, what the hell? How can you get into the Christmas spirit when you haven't even disgustingly gorged yourself on Thanksgiving food until you feel like you want to die. I just don't get it.

I'll admit, I broke down and started listening to Christmas tunes a few days before Thanksgiving, only because it was sub-zero outside, and I felt jolly. Not to mention, the jingle bells and shit made the kid bop his legs in the back seat. Anything that makes for a peaceful car ride I'm down for.

Speaking of the kid, he is 17 months old today. I'll call him a year and a half, he's close enough. I'll call him a year and a half until June, when I'll say, he's almost 2. I really hate it when parents say, "Oh, Mindy is 47 months, and Carson is 76 months." Nobody cares! It's like me saying I'm 376 months old. Phew, with that out of the way, I must mention, this child really is his father's son apparently. He's a bonafide hot dog. Climbing and testing his physical limits. He invokes mini-heart attacks on the daily. He's repeating everything, and has been for a while, which is limiting for his mother who typically swears like a sailor. He's a bit of a character, running around the house with a smirk on his face, being independent playing alone in his room, sitting and building shit with his blocks, he's really his own man. I also really appreciate that he's an observer, he really has to stand back and really take in a situation before he decides whether or not he wants to be involved. That's pretty good for a kid of his age.


Back to Christmas. The tree and decorations went up Thanksgiving weekend. I thought for sure the tree would have come down at least 5 or 6 times by now. Not the case. However, the boy loves ripping the ornaments off the tree and yelling "BALL!" and giggling as he gallops away with the goods. Which is why, all our ornaments are plastic. This year, he's more engaged in Christmas. He admires the lights, he explores the tree, which makes me think... I won't be able to put presents under the tree because all that shit will be open in 3.5 seconds.

And now, for the sentimentality of it all. Christmas is a magical time of year. Maybe it's the lights, the snow, the frigid temps, the stupid Christmas music, or maybe it's being lit up by holiday cocktails, but even at my age, I still feel something in the air around Christmas time. Of course now, presents aren't a priority, it's about hanging out with family and friends, going to holiday parties, imbibing, dancing, celebrating, and enjoying being alive. I find myself looking forward to holiday parties, instead of dreading them, I'm even looking forward to hosting Christmas dinner at the new house even though I have no idea what the hell dinner will be. I'm looking forward to laughter and good stories that may or may not be remembered. That's what Christmas is all about after all, right?