On Books and Holidays 2016

Alright. It's been two and a half months since my last post. Noteworthy? Not really. I don't want to bore you with fluffy drivel just because I should post something.

Here's what's up:

Remember how I said I was starting the Dark Tower series because the movie is coming out this winter? Yeah. I started it. I read the first book and had no idea what the hell was going on. I started the second book and really forced my way through. Night after night, I forced myself to read it until it go to the point where I was like, screw this dude, I've got a ton of other books I'd rather be reading right now.  If you know anything about me, you'll understand that this makes the void inside of me even bigger because, this is my #1 favorite author we're talking about here, and I'm quitting one of his books? What in the ever-loving hell is going on? Typically, I burn through books in a matter of weeks. I read every night and get through large sections of a book each night. The Drawing of the Three came with me on a early Fall camping trip, a mid-fall weekend getaway, and collected a lot of dust on my nightstand in between. I just, couldn't make myself care. This doesn't mean I'm done with these books for good. I feel obligated to read them all. They are sitting on my shelf. They're written by my fav. There is not a book sitting on my shelf that I haven't poured over (except those in my to-read queue of course.) For now, I had to save my spot and put that book back on the shelf, unfinished, abandoned, for now. It's so sad, the used, water damaged copy of the book sitting there amongst its peers, waiting to be finished. Some day.

In the meantime, I picked up a copy of Hidden Bodies by Caroline Kepnes. I've gotten through a little over a quarter of the book in about a week, and so far, it's a total scumbag read. Which of course, makes it quite entertaining to read. The main draw is that the main character, Joe (scumbag master) works in bookshops and loves all things books, much like myself, so, he's relatable on that note, aside from being a scumbag though, I can't say I really agree with his other actions in the book. Regardless, I'm enjoying the read, and looking forward to moving on to the rest of my stack o' books. Maybe I'm just not ready to commit to the Dark Tower just yet.

It other news, holy shit... the holidays are here again! Who else is totally unprepared? I spent the entire month of October mulling over Halloween and enjoying all things gore and spooktacular. The big show came and I thoroughly enjoyed escorting my son around the neighborhood dressed as a T-Rex. I brought joy to so many other parents hauling their kids around and the people passing out candy had some good laughs at my expense, what's better than making people giggle, right?

November 1st arrived, and all of sudden, it's Christmas. Seriously dude? I feel like when I was younger, at least the radio stations waiting until December 1st before they starting jamming out the Christmas tunes. Poor Thanksgiving gets looked over every year. Speaking of Thanksgiving, I've been tasked with supplying the rolls for the big dinner. Rolls. I can do rolls. These bitches are going to be the best damn rolls anyone has ever eaten. I'm making these mothers from scratch. Disclaimer... they will probably taste like shit and be hard as stones, and I'll ruin Thanksgiving dinner, maybe I should have a contingency plan.

The weekend after Thanksgiving will officially be, get those Christmas decorations up right now, weekend. G loves Christmas. He can  do without Santa because he's an assbag. He wants to see that Christmas Tree shine, he wants those lights, and he wants to see presents under his tree, but Santa is not allowed to enter his house and skulk around in the dark, nor is he allowed to just toss the presents down the chimney. I've been directed to greet Santa at the front door in the middle of the night and take the presents from him while he keeps his fat ass on the front porch and I shall deposit them under the tree.

This time of year also brings about holiday parties. So many holiday parties and holiday shit to do. I look forward to said parties because it gives me an opportunity to not only have a little drinkypoo, but also lurk around said parties and people watch. Oh how those parties get my cogs cogging. There's places to go to see Christmas lights, there's Christmas tree lighting ceremonies to go to, all this shit I would never do pre-G, but am glad to experience because secretly, I do love to stare at Christmas lights... I'm not that dead inside.

Yes. It's stressful. Shopping and shit, but for the last few years, I've done the majority of shopping through trusty ol' Amazon, thank you. The little things I wander through stores for. For the last few years, I've been poisoning my family with my vegetarian Christmas dinners that have turned out spectacularly shitty. This year will be no exception. Christmas cookies will be made, and might possibly be ugly as shit again, but maybe not. The stress is worth it to watch the glow in G-Money's eyes on Christmas morning when he sees a bunch of presents under the tree for him. Yes. I'm a sap for the boy, okay.

Now that I've gotten through this... it does seem like some fluffy drivel, doesn't it? Shit.

On The Dark Tower Book 1: The Gunslinger

If y'all haven't realized by now, I'm an avid Stephen King fan. My fandom began in high school when I picked up my mom's discarded copy of Dreamcatcher. It didn't take long for me to become hooked. By the time I finished the book, I wanted more. Over the years I've coll
ected and read several of Mr. King's books, but I never wanted to delve into The Dark Tower series because, whenever I heard about it, or read synopsis' of it, I was like, I don't give a shit about this "Gunslinger" or "The Man in Black." What do I care about two dudes chasing each other through the desert trying to reach some mystical tower? I don't care! Which is why I never bothered to pick up these books and just held fast with his other library of fiction. I've always been content with all the other works, and never wanted to explore his Magnum Opus. I guess I was just being a fiction snob.

Well, if you're not living under a rock, you may have heard that a movie is being made about The Dark Tower. As a King fan, I feel obligated to see this movie, whether it's shit or not. Most of the films based on his books are straight up garbage. Probably some of my favorites are the aforementioned Dreamcatcher, Stand By Me, Misery. I also enjoy Pet Semetary despite the fact that it's an awful, festering turd of a movie. So, The Dark Tower movie is supposed to be out this winter, I figured it's high time that I haul ass and get to reading these books so I can be critical and compare the movie to the books. I'm sure filmmakers being as they are will try to stretch out this series, it's eight books in total, so they may turn this in to eight separate movies. If that's the case, then I've already got the first book down and I'm ready to watch this flick.

As I began this book, my initial thoughts were holy shit this is boring, I wish I was reading anything else besides this. To me, King's writing style in this book is not very reminiscent of the majority of his other work, but maybe that's the whole idea. Maybe that's why he's a writing master. The book started out with Roland, the Gunslinger in some desolate town, probably looking for a rest after chasing Walter, The Man in Black. The time isn't really specified in the story line, it seems to be some sort of alternate reality, such that, our reality for example, exists, but Roland has no knowledge of it. While he's on the hunt for Walter, he sees mirages and experiences mind tricks sent to him by Walter. In this dusty little town, he meets a woman, naturally. She owns one of the little taverns. She tells him about the town loony toon who's trying to push her crazy religion on everyone. Roland and the tavern woman begin humping, he gets more information about Walter out of her after each hump session. He suspects this woman is placed before him as an obstacle, that the whole little town is placed before him as an obstacle. Crazy church lady is holding service a few days later and is spewing nonsense about Roland being an evil sorcerer and he needs to be stopped. The townspeople become zombies, essentially and Roland has to blow everyone away, including his hump buddy.

Through the story, we flip flop back and forth between now and Roland's childhood. He was brought up to be a gunslinger by his teacher who is a total dip shit and treats the kids like shit. Eventually, when Roland reaches the age of 14, he decides it's time for the student to become the teacher and challenges his teacher to a fight to the death. Roland has a pet hawk named David that he's going to use as his weapon. The teacher uses a staff. When they arrive to fight, Roland commands David to attack the teacher. He does so, clawing at him with his talons and ripping his eyes out with his beak. It's some pretty graphic business. Teach and Roland tussle, Teach inevitably kills David with his staff, which I found to be the saddest part of the whole book, thank you. Teach gives up and gives Roland the key to the gun cabinet so he can take his father's guns and frig off. And.. we're here with the Gunslinger today.

He moves on to another sleepy town where he encounters a youngish boy, Jake. Jake is apparently from our reality, he talks about living in a city and bus lines, the whole nine, and Roland has no idea what the hell he's talking about. It's implied that Jake may be an apparition, but he sure as hell seems pretty real. Roland agrees to let Jake come with him since he is on his own, and we basically follow them through the desert for the rest of the book until they make it to a cave where Walter is apparently hiding. In the cave they are attacked by some random creatures. and after fighting them off once, the creatures return and Jake inevitably falls down a crevasse and is seemingly worm food. Roland pays no mind and continues on to Walter. He meets with him and one would expect them to start duking it out, but they just hang out, have a fire and have some nice conversation. Walter says he has no intentions of killing Roland, but warns him a drawing is taking place, and Roland should be prepared. The next book in the series is aptly named "The Drawing of the Three" so... a little foreshadowing, eh?

My take on it is... I really had no idea what the hell was going on the entire time. The writing was obviously great, but I'm glad it was a shorter book. I'm sure it was just meant to be an introduction to the key characters and to set the basis for the entire adventure. Last night, as I was finishing the book, I found my mind wandering to different books in my "to-read queue." In any case, I'll be starting book two tomorrow, maybe that shit will make more sense to me.