On Realizing Loss

Yes, I think I've finally come to grips with it. The past is, well, in the past. My clique of old school friends has dwindled, everyone has grown up and moved on with their own lives. The only two that remain are my good friend MB and myself. There was another MB in our group, but he has split off, living a whole other world, an hour or so away, and kudos to him. The others, the others are relatively near, and the three of them, they still remain close knit, they see each other regularly, they choose to exclude MB and myself. Despite various efforts to reconnect and bring the circle back together, the three have remained on their own, without any true interest to intermingle.

I suppose this is the way of life, growing up. Things change, people change, situations change. In my naive teenage mind, a decade ago, I had hopes that things wouldn't really change this much, that this situation wouldn't have happened. But in the back of my mind, in that grown up, recessed, dark corner of my mind, I sort of knew, things were going to change drastically.

And now with a ten year high school reunion coming up in a few weeks, I find myself sitting on the fence as to whether or not I want to attend. I find that only MB and I are the only ones considering it. It appears that the majority of the people going are the douche bags we never spoke to while we were in school. So why would we want to pay to spend an evening with these people now? Maybe said douche bags are no longer douchey, or maybe they are douchier than ever. I suppose there's only one way to find out.

On NaNoWriMo

It's here again. Last year was my first year participating, and I actually won. "A" for effort right? Of course, there are no prizes or anything, just the satisfaction of writing a whole freakin' novel in a month. Of course, I scoured over it and made changes, did a massive overhaul, did a lot of editing and turned it into my first novel, Stress Test. I'm planning on participating again this year, though I have no illusions about winning. I feel like I'll make a good go of it though, I'll make some massive progress, and at least I'll be able to say that.

Besides, November here in the Mitten is generally a good month for writing. The weather is crappy, it's dark most of the day and it's something to do to keep from being overly depressed. You can't be depressed if your mind of working on something creative right?

Though, on the other hand, I've got the guilt that I'm not spending enough time with my family. That family being, J, and the fur/feather babies. So mostly I think, oh, there will be another day/time to write, I'm going to hang out with J before he goes to work. Or, the dog needs someone to play with him, because the cat is just sitting on the back of the couch like a bump on a log. Other times I think... just give me an hour to write something down, and then I can feel a little accomplishment.