Christmas has passed. The last week of the year is usually pretty lax. The boss is out of town all week, looking forward to another long weekend this week. After New Year's there's really nothing left to look forward to in the way of time off until May, for Memorial Day.
Christmas in and of itself was okay this year, despite it not feeling like Christmas at all since it was relatively mild and brown and dreary. Spent time with my family which I'm always grateful for. Nothing was wrong at the home front which is always a plus. I received a huge stack of books which will keep me reading for at least a few months before I have to replenish my quene. I'm glad it's over though, because now I can start eating like a normal human being again.
I haven't worked on the book at all for a month (huge slacker) for various reasons. I feel like I really ought to get back to work on it this week. I'm much further behind on it then I'd like to be, especially if I'm hoping to release it this summer. Perhaps if I give myself a deadline for where I'd like to be in the book at what date, that might help. Plus the hoopla of the holidays being might help me refocus on my work.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
On Realization
Christmas is only days away. I finished the shopping this past Sunday (mostly.) Wrapping must commence, baking, packaging, etc. It still doesn't feel like Christmas. I keep trying to get in the mood by listening to Christmas songs at my desk, it's not helping. Add in the fact that the weather is a little warmer than normal and there's no snow on the ground and the obvious event that still seems surreal. Today is his birthday, he'd be 29. Dinner plans for the evening to wrap my best friend in love.
Work has been frustrating, I'm letting it stress me out more than I should. It really shouldn't bother me as much as I let it. Although, my boss surprised me with a Christmas something, completely unexpected, but makes me feel appreciated and valued.
I took a leap and sold my Jeep last night, made some cash off it, went and bought a brand new car, 2012 Dodge Caliber. I've never had a brand new car before, they've always been used. As J says, get whatever you want before you turn 30. I've already done so. I purchased my first dslr camera last month and I've fallen in love and now there's a new auto in my life.
There's talks of traveling to New Orleans in February in a group. I'm on the fence about going, for various reasons, but it's somewhere I've always wanted to go. I can't help but think of the photography and the possible material I could garner for my writing. I guess I ought to stop being so wishy washy.
Work has been frustrating, I'm letting it stress me out more than I should. It really shouldn't bother me as much as I let it. Although, my boss surprised me with a Christmas something, completely unexpected, but makes me feel appreciated and valued.
I took a leap and sold my Jeep last night, made some cash off it, went and bought a brand new car, 2012 Dodge Caliber. I've never had a brand new car before, they've always been used. As J says, get whatever you want before you turn 30. I've already done so. I purchased my first dslr camera last month and I've fallen in love and now there's a new auto in my life.
There's talks of traveling to New Orleans in February in a group. I'm on the fence about going, for various reasons, but it's somewhere I've always wanted to go. I can't help but think of the photography and the possible material I could garner for my writing. I guess I ought to stop being so wishy washy.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
On Loss
I was oh so looking forward to Thanksgiving weekend. Spending time with my family and friends, attending my ten year high school reunion, relaxing, celebrating J's birthday, not working for four days. All of that came crashing down on Thanksgiving night.
Dinner was amazing. His family and mine gathered around the traditional huge table and feasted on everything we usually do every year. There was laughter, it wasn't as somber as it was last year, it was a flat out great day. Later in the evening, I received a call from my best friend, hysterically telling me that his boyfriend passed away. The scene was one of the most unnerving possible. Shock and anger overtook me, followed by immense grief and sadness. The weekend was a sleep deprived blur, and so was the majority of last week. This unfortunate event put everything in perspective however. It's quite jilting to see someone the same age as you laying in a box. There's confusion and sadness lingering, and concern for my friend who seems to have the worst luck for someone who is such an amazing person.
On one side of the spectrum, I'm feeling very disconnected like I'm a spectator watching everything, the days seem to be passing entirely too quickly. It doesn't feel like Christmas, the cheer is gone this year. On the other end of the spectrum, I find myself trying to make an active point of being engaged because it's abundantly clear that every day matters. The little things that bother me shouldn't matter, and right now they almost don't. This experience has changed me already, I've noticed that I'm a little warmer, and I'd like to stay that way. I always try to keep people at a distance, I don't want anyone to know the true me, well, I guess this is the time to let the walls fall down.
I'll miss the time we spent, and how happy you made him. You were a light in all of our lives and you'll never be forgotten. You're always in our hearts and minds, and we know you'll be with us all the days of our lives.
Dinner was amazing. His family and mine gathered around the traditional huge table and feasted on everything we usually do every year. There was laughter, it wasn't as somber as it was last year, it was a flat out great day. Later in the evening, I received a call from my best friend, hysterically telling me that his boyfriend passed away. The scene was one of the most unnerving possible. Shock and anger overtook me, followed by immense grief and sadness. The weekend was a sleep deprived blur, and so was the majority of last week. This unfortunate event put everything in perspective however. It's quite jilting to see someone the same age as you laying in a box. There's confusion and sadness lingering, and concern for my friend who seems to have the worst luck for someone who is such an amazing person.
On one side of the spectrum, I'm feeling very disconnected like I'm a spectator watching everything, the days seem to be passing entirely too quickly. It doesn't feel like Christmas, the cheer is gone this year. On the other end of the spectrum, I find myself trying to make an active point of being engaged because it's abundantly clear that every day matters. The little things that bother me shouldn't matter, and right now they almost don't. This experience has changed me already, I've noticed that I'm a little warmer, and I'd like to stay that way. I always try to keep people at a distance, I don't want anyone to know the true me, well, I guess this is the time to let the walls fall down.
I'll miss the time we spent, and how happy you made him. You were a light in all of our lives and you'll never be forgotten. You're always in our hearts and minds, and we know you'll be with us all the days of our lives.
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