First of all, for whatever reason, I read the spoilers before I even saw the movie. Of course I heard rumors, and hoped that they weren't true, so I was really just scouring for information to see if they really were true. Then, as any good creeper knows, getting little pieces of information here and there can become addictive, so anything related to Star Wars that popped up, I read, naturally.
After reading my own spoilers, I was not expecting much out of this movie. I knew it would be better than Episodes 1-3, because you'd have to be god-awful to not make something better than those festering turds. I sat in the theater with a sour face, knowing what was coming, when it was coming, but, I really tried to get in to the movie.
Let's start with the name, The Force Awakens? Really? Was it sleeping? Where was it? I'm pretty sure it was always there, just dormant, maybe? I guess I can see what they were trying to do there, but it's lame. I don't have any good recommendations on what this should have been called, but I feel like they could have done better.
There have been opinions that these new additions, Daisy Ridley and John Boyega were great in the movie, their charisma was much better matched than anyone in Episodes 1-3. I'll give them credit, they do seem to be pretty good at what they're trying to accomplish, but I really didn't feel any connection to them. Like oh boy, poor Rey was ditched when she was a child and stuck on some desert planet where she had to trade junk ship scraps for food. So what? Life sucks, salvage your scrap metal and get over it. Oh, and Finn, this dude was running all over the place like he was looking for his inhaler. This poor little Storm Trooper reject was trying to cop a feel on Rey whenever he had the chance. Who cares about these people? No one, that's who!
Han and Chewie entered the scene, and there was the magic. Harrison Ford at 73 is bad ass, I don't care who you are. If you listened close, you could catch on to the homages to the original flicks, especially with the banter between Han and Leia. Obviously, this time around, since it's a Disney flick now, Han isn't quite the smarmy scumbag he was in the old days, but the likability and the underlying scumbaggery of the character is still there.
Everyone is talking smack about how Carrie Fisher has not aged well. The chick is 59, she's a former drinker and druggie, of course she hasn't aged well. Do people really think she's going to look like Christie Brinkley given her past? To her credit, I don't think she looks as bad as everyone is saying, and who cares anyway, the broad is pushing 60! The bigger shocker is how deep Leia's voice is now. I bet Han wasn't expecting that when he saw her again. Seriously though, she was Leia, but not really Leia, if that makes sense. There was that sense of Disney again. She couldn't be her sassy little self anymore, but maybe she and Han grew up.
Don't even get me started on Kylo Ren. Basically, he is a huge pussy with daddy issues. He's a spoiled brat who can't control his temper and throws tantrums whenever he doesn't get his way. He sucks as a villain. Grandpa Vader would have whooped his ass on any given day of the week, and he was essentially just a torso. He thinks he's going to be some bad ass Sith Lord, so in an ultimate bitch move while facing his father, Han Solo, he cries like the little bitch he is saying his emotions are tearing him apart, whatever! This is the scene where Kylo impales Han with his stupid looking light saber and Han falls to his death. On a side note, Harrison Ford wanted George Lucas to kill off Han in the original trilogy, so I guess, he ultimately got what he wanted. But... why couldn't they kill off Leia instead? Nobody would miss her.
A battle between Kylo Ren and Rey ensues where Rey is starting to realize her abilities with The Force. Okay, Rey is a newbie to The Force, people! She doesn't know shit about shit, and she beats the cat piss out of Kylo Ren. Does this not provide an excellent example how much Kylo Ren sucks? He is not a force to be reckoned with, and frankly, he's a goober.
Perhaps the biggest slap in the face comes at the end of the movie. Chewie, Han's loyal friend doesn't seem that distraught by his friend's untimely death. Like, oh, I'm going to holler about it for a minute, but I'm pretty much over it. He shows up in the Millennium Falcon to pick up Rey after she beats Kylo in one of the sorriest light saber battles ever, and takes her back to base to celebrate blowing up yet another Death Star-like station. Chewie and Rey then set out to find Luke since they have the completed map of his whereabouts. This bitch has the audacity to sit in Han's captain seat and take over HIS ship while Chewie rides bitch. If anything, Chewie should be piloting the ship, and she should be in the back making sandwiches or something. They arrive on the planet that Luke has been sulking on since quitting training Jedis and they just stare at each other while she holds out his old light saber to him. Oh by the way, she's probably his kid. Way to be an absentee father Luke!
This will of course lead us into two additional movies that I'm loathe to see, but I feel obligated to, just like everyone felt obligated to watch Episodes 1-3 even though they'd probably rather gouge out their eyeballs than actually sit through that rubbish. The movie was done well, okay. It was missing something, it was missing emotion. You could feel the chemistry between the seasoned vets, but those kids don't really have the chemistry or the chops yet. This movie wouldn't have worked at all without Harrison Ford. Nobody would have went to see it, and it wouldn't have broken records. Everyone can bitch about how he got paid so much more than anyone else, well, that's why. Because he's the meal ticket and the execs knew it.
Is it worth it to see? Sure, I guess. If you're a true Star Wars fan, you've already seen it, or plan to see it soon. I mean, I was pissed off about this movie for the whole day after watching it, so that's got to mean something, right? If it were a little less Disney, and a little more rock n' roll, it might sit better with me, Oh, and if Han Solo wasn't slaughtered. The end.
