On Turning 31

Yes. I've done it. I've had another birthday, and I've turned 31. I'm even still being honest about my age. This might change in the next decade though.

I'm really afraid of heights. I get vertigo if I'm somewhere high and I look down. Heights and I aren't the best of friends. So, for my birthday, I decided I should tackle something I'm afraid of, because, why not?

I heard about "The Adventure Park" on the news a few months ago when it opened, and thought it looked pretty cool. Horrifying, but cool. Basically, it's obstacles and zip lines up in trees, at varying heights, with varying difficulties. Most of the obstacles move up there in the trees, so you really have to use your strength and concentration to keep yourself from falling. It's rated like a ski/snowboard hill. Purple, yellow, green, blue, black diamond, double black diamond. The diamonds are obviously the hardest. We didn't touch those. Some of us started on the yellow, and thought it was pretty good, the green was a little tougher, but still fun. The blue... the blue was a bad choice, for us in particular. The first two obstacles were fun, but the rest of the course just felt like torture. It was definitely tough, and forced us to push ourselves. I'm pretty sure two of my pals hate me by now, but, I think overall, it was an interesting time.

I think about the last year, and I realize that of course, this last year has been devoted to my boy. I've just been his mom. I haven't been Kate, I haven't been J's wife, just G's mom. Which, don't get me wrong, I'm pleased to be G's mom, but, I miss my old self, and I'm completely aware that I'll never fully get my old self back again, but I think I need to make a date with the old girl every now and then so I don't totally lose my shit.

Now that the little boy is getting older, and since he eats table food, he relies on me a little less as far as feeding, which gives me a little freedom. I don't have to make sure we're back together every two hours so he can go to town, I can have a cocktail every now and then, I don't have to worry if he's got enough milk or baby food on hand. The kid will find something to nosh on.

This isn't to say he needs me less. He still cries when I leave for work, and clings on tight when I get home, he still needs reassurance in the middle of the night and clings on when I take him out of his bed. He likes for me to sit down next to him while he plays with his toys, even if he ignores me. I think... he just likes having me around, it's a novel thought. Of course, the older he gets, the less he'll want me around, so... I might as well enjoy it while it lasts.

In closing, it's been a good year. Full of ups and downs, stress, no sleep, worrying, tantrums, screaming, learning, and new experiences. I'm looking forward to another year of much of the same, maybe with a little less stress, tantrums, and screaming.