On Being "Out"

I'm pretty sure that virtually everyone knows about the impending kid now. I kept it a secret at work for quite a while, with the exception of telling my boss, because well, I sort of had to tell him since I have to go to the doctor every five weeks... during business hours nevertheless. I didn't want him to think I was deathly ill or something.

Despite knowing and seeing that there's an actual kid in my gut, it still seems surreal. I mean, I haven't gained any weight (yet) which I find to be a blessing, though I'm literally all uterus and some of my work pants won't button without suffocating me. For instance, right now my pants are unbuttoned simply because I would be gasping for air otherwise.

I resisted spreading the word like a STD because I've never been much for being fussed over by throngs of people. That's not to say that I don't like attention from time to time, but from only one or two close persons at a time. When a lady is knocked up, everyone is interested. They want to know how you're feeling, is the kid moving, what are you going to name it, how are you going to decorate its room? Most importantly, they want to touch you. Peers, strangers, it doesn't matter, they see that baby gut and they come at you like a spider monkey jacked up on Mountain Dew. It's like an all out assault. I'll be honest, I don't like to be touched, I get defensive. I see a hand coming at me and my bony little fingers curl up into a fist.

However, since I've decided to try to be a nicer person lately (we'll see how long that lasts) I thought, maybe I ought to let other people revel in this kid. Maybe I ought to fight the urge to deck someone who comes at me palm first with a kidnapper's grin on their face. Maybe I should field all their questions politely and let them just be jovial because they get to be talking about kids. I suppose for people who truly love kids or whatever, talking about kids is just delightful. I can understand, I always light up when I talk about Leopold, Jameson, and Paco, so maybe it's the same.

Despite everyone knowing, I'm still reluctant to show off my gut proudly. Right now, I just look like I have a food baby, so I think it's still best to keep it under wraps. Maybe if I pop out a little more in a month or so I'll show this thing off.