On Memorial Day

So 8:30 in the P.M. last night, my boss texts me to ask if I'd like work from 11-4 today, on one condition. So, intrigued, I text back, asking what the condition is. Seems simple enough, type out a purchase agreement and a few other documents and email them to the client, no big shakes. Typically it takes me ten minutes to do something like this. Well, all in all, this particular task took about 45 minutes going back and forth. It's not all bad though, I got to come in an hour and a half later, and I get to leave a half hour early, for the holiday weekend, not to mention, I'm getting paid for a full day... I really can't complain.

That being said, I've been contemplating the purchase of a kayak. I'm thinking something inflatable for storage and price purposes. I drive a soft top Jeep and throwing a full on kayak up on the roof probably isn't best idea in the world. My one fear of inflatable boats of course, is tears and popping. Who wants to be out in the middle of the water and suddenly capsize because you're in a blow up boat? Certainly not me. There's a sale at the sports store this weekend, maybe I'll see what sort of prices their tossing out on their kayaks, maybe I'll come home with one, maybe not.

Looking forward to some decent weather this weekend, cooking outside, hanging with the family and friends, unofficial start to summer, maybe the monsoon season will end.

On Stormy Weather

We're in another jag of rainy, stormy weather here in the Mitten. Word has it that starting Saturday we'll have plentiful sunshine for a whole week! But those weatherpersons are usually never truly correct, even with all their fancy gizmos, I feel that it's somewhat impossible to track Mother Nature, but what do I know?

Despite the drab weather, I haven't worked on Rogue for roughly a week. Shame on me. If I want this thing done in a decent amount of time, I should be working 5-6 days a week. The story is coming together quite nicely though. I feel like this will be a longer one since I've over 11,000 words and it seems like the story is still in its beginning stages. I'm never one to toot my own horn much, but I'm really feeling that in the end, this one is going to be truly great.

Of course, since the summer is trying to work it's way into the air, I don't imagine I'll be doing much writing unfortunately. I find this irresistible urge to make any excuse to be outside when it's nice out. Probably because we're trapped inside for six months out of the year here! Even after a long day at work, I'm apt to go to the park, or hover around a bonfire, maybe even go to the beach and lounge. Yes, I could bring a laptop along and work, but I'd have to invest in a new battery I believe for the one I have, since it no longer holds a charge without being plugged in. Sort of a downer if you're trying to take your work elsewhere.

Memorial Day weekend is around the corner, quite literally. Despite having a long weekend last weekend, I'm still looking forward this one as well. I feel that every weekend should be a long weekend, for all. Not to mention, family gatherings with good food and hooch never hurt anything.

On Progress

Last night I hit the 10,000 word threshold with Rogue. Granted, since I'm already two months deep into this project, I suppose I ought to be further ahead, but in truth, I don't work on it every day. It's exhausting working full time, and trying to keep up the house and trying to write a novel as well. Though I'm not complaining. No matter how much work it is, I have no plans on giving up on it, because writing stories is actually something I enjoy, even when I don't feel like doing it.

It helps to just work through it, even when you don't want to. When you've been at work all day, staring at a computer screen or what have you, and you come home and all you want to do is lay around, you just need to work through it. I don't always follow that of course, more often than not, I'll lay around and maybe read, or zone out, but with this awful, wet weather, it's easy to crawl into my computer room and plink away at the keys, making something hopefully readable and enjoyable.

I've gotten a lot of great feedback from the few people that have read Stress Test and some constructive criticism as well, which is actually helping me in the second book. All I can do is keep trying and hope that one day, I'll be able to do this for a living.

I think with this second book, instead of putting it out into the world on my own, I might actually look for as publisher, simply for the word of mouth. I'm feeling really good about this one, the story is strong and engaging, it's everything the first one isn't.

On Wracked Nerves

The endless rainy, grey days spent alone have allowed me to get a decent amount of writing done on Rogue. If I haven't mentioned it, and I'm sure I have, I'm pretty proud of what I've gotten down on the page so far.

This weather has got me thinking that spring will never arrived even though the calendar says it's been spring for over a month now. Maybe I'll have even more time to hole up and write if the weather is always going to be like this.

On a completely different note, I've got a wonderful support system of friends who are pushing like hell to get Stress Test noticed. My oldest and best friend in particular is my strongest proponent, always encouraging me along the way, buying a copy of the e-Book and paperback, advertising on Facebook, golly Rogue might have to be dedicated solely to him.

Work at the office has been mundane. Another agent quit today, another one bites the dust as I like to say. Whenever I hear someone say they quit, that song plays in my head. I just can't help it.

Well, might as well get back to work on the book.

On Paperback

Well, Stress Test is finally available in paperback, you can purchase a copy here: https://www.createspace.com/3593442. It's slightly different from the online version in that it's just a tad less vulgar... just a tad.

Work on Rogue has been slacking. I don't think I've touched it at all in the last week, though I am planning on remedying that tonight by working on it for a little while. I feel like in the end, I'm really going to push that one, because I feel like it's just going to be so much better. However, everyone always says I'm my own worst critic, and that's probably true.

On Faux Spring

The calendar says it's Spring, but the weather would suggest otherwise here in the Mitten. Of course, our weather has always been a little strange. A few weeks ago it was over 80 degrees, and then a few days ago, it snowed. Of course, I think there is something much bigger to these odd weather patterns. I'm taking the wait and see option on this one.

I've been working diligently on the proof for the paperback on Stress Test. I'm finding a number of mistakes. I sure am glad I'm looking it over before sending it out in the world, wouldn't want to look like a complete amateur. e-Book sales are something to be desired. I've sold eight copies which is disheartening, but there's been a decent number of "previews" downloaded, which also hurts, people will download the preview, but won't spend the $2.99 to finish it. Although, friends who've read it in its entirety, have told me it's a good story, entertaining, etc., so there's that.

In the meantime, I've also been working on Rogue, my second book. It's humming along quite nicely, I'm already proud of it and it's just a baby. It's more mature sounding, and dark, and thriller-esque, it sounds like a seasoned vet is writing it. If this one tanks, it will truly be heartbreaking. Of course, it will be another year or so I'm sure before it's seen by eyes other than mine.

On Spring

The cold, dreary days wear on. The skies remain grey, the cold rain falls, it's dismal, it's enough to make one feel forever lethargic. It's technically Spring, but it still feels like that all day sunshine won't ever come. On the writing front, I'm working feverishly to promote myself, get myself out there. I've gotten a few ideas which I plan on taking advantage of. I'm also working on getting Stress Test printed and put into some local bookstores. I've got one so far that will let me sell there. I've been reading all these articles about "self published" authors and the successes they experience, and I'm trying to be optimistic by thinking why not me? I've gotten a lot of positive feedback on my story from friends and strangers alike, so I feel positive that at least I have a strong, entertaining story on my hands. I guess I should really work on doing some more promoting on Stress Test before I delve deep into Rogue, which I'm actually really excited about. I guess I feel like putting the first book on the back burner is acceptable because maybe I'm not 100% behind it. I mean, I think it's entertaining, but I don't think it's the best I can give. Of course, if my first piece is my best, then I might as well give up there right? I feel like, I can only get better from here. But if I want to actually get read, then putting myself and my work out there is probably my best bet right now. I've got high hopes for smashwords.com. I seem to be getting decent activity from there. Only one purchase, but thirteen previews. Plus, I'll hopefully get accepted into their premium catalog which will put my book on pretty much every e-Book platform, so there's that. I'm just going to keep doing this because I enjoy it, and maybe one day if I'm lucky, it will be my full time job.

On Getting Published

I finally finished writing, editing, formatting, double checking, and then checking again and declared my book finished. I decided to toss it out into the pond to see if there were any bites before trying to really sell the thing. I published it on the Kindle platform, and also on Smashwords, which will allow it to be purchased or downloaded virtually anywhere. Yes, I've sold a few copies (to loyal friends) who have told me that so far they like it, which is always great to hear. My mother, read it cover to cover in one day and then proceeded to call me and tell me how fabulous it was (but she is way biased.) It's enough to make me think, I should keep going at this writing thing, keep doing it. Maybe one day, I'll make something out of myself and I won't be stuck on cubicle square for the rest of my working life, which let's be honest, is my main goal, to get out of here and do something I truly love. Last week I started work on a second book. I'm already at the first big conflict scene, I've yet to start writing it, because I don't know exactly how I want it to go yet. I do have a good feeling about this second book though. It's going to be darker than the first, with more of a thriller feel to it. It's just rough, working all day, looking at a screen, and then coming home and working for a few more hours, staring at a screen. Hopefully one day, I can sustain on royalties, and maybe a part time job to get by, allowing me to write more, when I'm fresher. Or maybe I'd just be a slacker in the nice weather and go hang out at the park instead of working. Of course, there's no excuse for not working while at the park, there's always longhand, or a laptop, etc. Anyway, even though the sales aren't coming in at the moment, it's still exciting to have something I wrote out in the world. It's out there to reach people, if they so want to be reached by this book. I'm just hoping it's entertaining to those who read it.

On Being Left Behind

Sometimes I feel like I'm 17 again. It only lasts for but a moment, just a small period in time, and it's invigorating to not feel my actual age for a few moments... to feel ageless.

I had that sensation this evening, just briefly. Gazing up at the clear, star filled sky, watching Orion, I felt like a teenager with my whole life ahead of me, bound for anything, endless possibilities lay ahead. I could be anything, do anything with my life.

This isn't to say I'm some dried up old crow circling the drain. I suppose I'm technically in the prime of my life, living my best years perhaps. However, I feel like I haven't gone anywhere.

When I was getting ready to graduate high school, I had two different visions of how my life would be at this age. The first, was idyllic, sort of my own fantasy that I knew wouldn't come true. The second was more realistic, ordinary, safe. I'm living the second. It's somewhat terrifying living the life you expected for yourself.

When I was younger and in school, I really had no idea what I wanted to do with myself, what I wanted my profession to be. I wanted to go into journalism, but college counselors told me that was a fruitless pursuit, so I decided to go into education. Again, I was steered away. I thought... I should do something safe, something that would garner me a job when I got out of school, something that would allow me to support myself, medical coding. I hated it, I dropped it almost as quickly as I adopted it. It was then that I decided, I'd just find an office job to tide me over until I figure myself out.

I suppose deep down I've always wanted to be a writer. I've always loved literature, even from a young age. I've always been an avid reader, and have been writing silly little stories since I was 6. This manuscript that I've finished, while it might not be total garbage, definitely is not my best work, it's not memorable, it's not much of anything. I'm not expecting it to be well received. But I'm going to thrust it out into the world anyway and move on to the next, it's the only way.

I've got a very small circle of friends. only one of which has remained constant, going on 17 years now. I've always just had a small circle of friends. I've never been one to have dozens and dozens of people around me. I'm private, withholding, reclusive.

My high school circle that I was so close with has withered away. Except, three of them still see and talk to each other regularly, just not to me. They each have their own lives, but haven't included me in it. We just grew apart I suppose. Though, online they act like nothing has changed.

My more adult circle is different in that, everyone already had their own lives, but I suppose common interest and personalities meshed together. My husband had his own circle of friends, which he included me in, I had my own which I included him in, and then we meshed our two circles together. And one person from his circle has to stuck one person in my circle, (my friend of 17 years) and it feels like she's taking my place, and quite frankly, it's making me a bit jealous.

Of course, I know I really have no right to be jealous, what can I expect really? I mean, I did say I was withholding and reclusive. Especially when I have horrible bouts of anxiety. Sometimes it gets so bad, I just want to hole up in my house and not leave unless I have to. Therefore, I've turned down a lot of plans. I certainly can't blame my friend for turning to someone who doesn't say no all the time. And while it hurts to not even get asked anymore, on some level, I understand.

I just feel as though all these people who I was once so close to are moving on, and I'm still in the same place I was. Not moving forward, but just staying still, observing, withdrawing.

On Spring Time

It's days like today that make me giddy for Spring. The mercury is hovering just above 40, it feels like heaven compared to the frigid temps we've been experiencing. Granted, it is a dark, gloomy, dreadful day, with heavy fog encompassing the area last night into this morning, which has since burned off, but it's still full of hope. Hope that better weather is merely a bit over a month away.

Daylight Savings Time is the weekend. I always feel somewhat cheated when we have to "spring forward." How can it be that we can just move the hour ahead or back and everything is supposed to be normal? How does that even make sense? Nevertheless, we are "springing ahead" this Sunday morning, so at least we'll get another hour before the sun sets.

I've been getting lost in my Six Feet Under box sets. Halfway through the last season now. It really was an epic show. Though I am thrilled that I've found Dexter, despite not being able to see it live... there's always box sets.

I've also been imagining quite a bit lately. Imagining different scenarios, thinking what great stories they'd make. While I'm just about finished with Stress Test, I'm thinking of my next project. I've already got a few great ideas down, and I just need to decide which one to run with next. I'm already looking forward to creating something new, something better than what I've finished already.

Nothing makes me happier than finally pursuing what I think I was always meant to do. I may not be any good, I may not ever be well known or read by millions, but at least I'll know that I tried my best, and that should be satisfactory enough I think.